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Why do your appliances break? I figured it out!

Daniel Herndon
Daniel Herndon
Hey Friends.
Welcome to the first real episode of The Lorem Ipsum.
Earlier this week, Ida made landfall and it didn’t turn out that great. All of New Orleans has been without power and residents are struggling to get water because the system is effed.
New York City got some hurricane leftovers, which has caused flash floods and some deaths. On the bright side, I was able to text my lawn care guy here in Indiana (listed in my phone as “Jason M Grass”) telling him I’m ready for him to come back this week after calling him off for the last couple dry weeks. This makes me think of two things:
  1. People in the suburbs HATE when you don’t water your brown grass.
  2. Natural disasters are especially devastating for the poor.
Read here for more (serious ) thoughts on hurricanes. Here’s to hoping hurricanes don’t have a delta variant.
Speaking of running water…
Recently, while washing the dishes–by hand no less, I heard a little bit of a trickling sound behind me.
I stopped cold in my tracks and turned my head, only to find that my wife, who was there just seconds ago, had disappeared! I heard some rustling around while I scanned the room for her like a lost kid. Suddenly, I heard:
“Awe, sh***!”
All I had to do was look down to see her crawling into the bottom of our roll out freezer drawer, right at my feet. Water was steadily trickling across the room, kindly destroying our flooring over time. Then I realize, she has a knife, and she’s stabbing at the bottom interior of the freezer!
Large sheets of ice, as thick as drywall and as dry as… soaked drywall came sliding onto the floor, like a Costco size package of peanut brittle had been spilled along with the glass of milk intended to wash it down. Basically, our fridge is about to be in timeout. It was then that I realized:
They don’t make ‘em like they used to.
In this week’s article “When was the last time you threw away a toaster.” I explain why that is. Spoiler: It goes back to WWII, and it is intentional!
Thanks for subscribing! I like feedback, questions and fresh jokes so just reply here if you have any of those. See you next week!

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Daniel Herndon
Daniel Herndon @danielherndon

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Daniel Herndon, c/o Matchbook 1317 Pennsylvania St. Indianapolis, IN 46202